Avenue B Grocery Store, Austin, Texas

Ok, here we go…there is a small neighborhood grocery store in Austin, Texas called Avenue B Grocery. They had the phatest, most rad sandwiches in all the town. About a year or so ago, I tried to take some friends with me there to eat so they could experience the shear delight that I had been experiencing for years…to my surprise, the store was still there, but it was never open. And when I say never open, I mean, it was never open. It was the weirdest thing.

So a few weeks ago I took my friend James back, the sign said open, I was stoked! We walk in the doors to find that the store was open but the “deli” part of the store was out of; all meats, 75% of their bread variety, and several veggies. Basically, if you were in the mood for a grilled, gov’t cheese sandwich on Wonder bread, you were in luck. We left…I promised James that we would return and…HE WOULD FUCKING L-O-V-E it…

and we did…and he did…
So I decided that it was time to take bf there…he is a lover of the ultimate sandwich…and this is where it gets ugly…

We walk into the store, confusingly order our shit, grab some chips and drink, just as I had in the past, and sit back near the counter and wait for our food. I see bf open his drink and take a sip…it looks refreshing , I do the same. I take a swig, twist the cap back on, and am suddenly shaken into reality by a mid-aged man’s voice saying, “MA’AAAAAAAM”…He just called me…gasp…ma’am…I politely said, “yes”, and he retorts…”We do not consume drinks in this establishment until they have been paid for and have exited the property”…I was shocked. I said, “ok”, put the cap back on and went to the cash register while he was mumbling something about an antique. If you have ever been in this store before, you know that the whole-fucking-thing-is-one-giant-antique…and it is. He decides to “do us a favor and ring us up b/c we “must be in a hurry to get outside and enjoy the day”…and we were. So we go up to the counter, he tells me sorry for yelling, but “our customers need to be trained just like our employees”…WTF? yes, i swear, he did say that…and he kept going. I was ready to throw in the towel and eat my sandwich, but then he goes on about how I could spill on his antiques…I politely told him that I was 32 and for as far as I know have been out of the “spilling” stage for several years now…he tells me that that is why they are called “accidents”.

See where I am going with this? This guy is a total fucking dirty bag of the big ‘ol D! I wanted, and I had, something very crass and rude to say to him at this point, but my mom is still alive and I would never say those things I was thinking as long as she lived on this earth. (except I did tell bf, but he would never repeat)
Anyways, the moral to the story is that the man that owns Avenue B grocery store, in Hyde Park, in Austin, Texas, has been in jail for the last year b/c of child pornography that was found in his ice cream cooler in the store, and if you ever dare to buy a drink from his establishment…DRINK THAT SHIT OUTSIDE!

boycot list for sure…and, yes, you had to be there!

Dear Mr. Owner,

If you ever read this…YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK!

love always,


GBJ disclaimer…ok, so it may not be true about the child porn in the freezer, but I  do know that my girl, G,  used to call him to Hyde Park rapist.  We don’t know if he ever raped anyone, actually, we know nothing about him…all we do know is that he is not “right”…we’re just try’n to have a little fun here.  BACK THE FUCK OFF!

3 thoughts on “Avenue B Grocery Store, Austin, Texas”

  1. There’s a place like that here in Rice Village. While the owner has yet to be arrested for delivering other natural substances instead of his actual (and quite delicious) sandwiches, I think he’ll be arrested soon on either public drunkenness or public asshole-ness. Guess it has something to do with the magical power of being able to slap some meat between two slices of bread.

    I mean, who gets kicked out of the Bronx Bar? Esp a 50+ year old man?

  2. This dude was such a prick! Ugh! Avenue B.. as in I won’t B going back to that shit stain of a store. I would like to make him a salami sandwich from of my own personal salami! Extra Mayo!

  3. We had a lovely lunch at Avenue B and found the owner quite charming. GBJ, sorry to hear you had a bad experience when he shared his concerns with you. Note: your comments sound to me like defamation of character, esp. the “porn in the freezer” note even with a so called “disclaimer.”

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.



Don't Miss An Update


Enjoy luxury, exclusivity and discretion


Get 25% Off & Free Shipping On Your First Order. Enter Code WELL25SPE

Scroll to Top